I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I think my moral compass just broke
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
