I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
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