Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
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