every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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