This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
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I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
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