I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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