If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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