"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
