I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
