btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
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This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
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It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
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