I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Randomize