god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
