I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
I dont know to explain this.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
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That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
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The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.