i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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