so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
