This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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