I seem to have left my pride at pride
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
