Only a mothe r could love this liver
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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