Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
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