There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
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