She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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