He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
