end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
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