My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Randomize
