MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
