Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
