I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
