Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
She needs sedatives and a leash
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
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