Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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