arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
