Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
