So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
