I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
