i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
