I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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