a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
