Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Two words: nipple clamps
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