you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
