she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Randomize
