i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
