I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
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he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
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Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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