I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
PANTIES FOUND
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