How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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