it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I've blown a few things in my day
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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