Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Randomize
