Redeem this text for a blowjob
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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