i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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