I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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