So drunk its hurt
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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