we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
