People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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