Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
It's never too late to be topless.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Randomize
