ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
We have started to decorate penises.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
