did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
His hands were made for my vagina.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
