there was a trapeze. enough said
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
