i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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