i think my tv is drunk
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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