I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
