Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
