guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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