Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
