On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
