Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
