yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Randomize
