I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
