I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
You're breaking my sexual little heart
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
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