Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
