I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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