someone get that fucking seahorse.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
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jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
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Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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