Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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