Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
