I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
