margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I understand Curling. That high.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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