Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
